Bill State Journal of Crap

My wife bitches constantly when she’s watching Top Chef. “This show is stupid,” isn’t an uncommon phrase around the house. Neither is “I hate all these people.” Yet she continues to watch this show every week. Every god-damn week. I wish she wouldn’t because I actually hate this show and she’s stealing an hour from my life. People being that shallow that consistently isn’t something I can enjoy.

Back to Suzanne though. She insists that she is only watching this show “to keep up with the talk at school,” but somehow that doesn’t stop her from crying, swearing and cheering every week when somebody gets named the winner and someboy gets kicked off the show.

“I have never once cried over Top Chef,” just came flying over my shoulder, so apparently she can still read, and the show hasn’t completely sapped her of her mind. She’s wrong though, she’s cried. She cried with the world’s tallest Nebraskan was kicked off the show last season. I’m sure the guy had a name, but I can only remember him as the world’s tallest Nebraskan.

The bigger question is how anybody can watch these shows. In the three seasons of this crap I’ve had to go through, I haven’t seen a single food item that I haven’t seen some 1/2-hour-cooking-show host make on Food Network. And on a cooking show I don’t have to deal with a bunch of shallow chefs trying to kill each other for the fabulous prize of $100,000. That is barely a business loan. So it can’t be the food.

Maybe people enjoy watching other people be shallow….

“I DID NOT CRY, I yelled NOOOOOOOOO!, when C.J. got kicked off the show, but I didn’t cry” sorry, she’s yelling over my shoulder again. She totally cried. Cried like a baby. She cried like Denny died on Grey’s all over again… actually, I laughed when Denny died. That was good stuff.

I can’t talk about this any more. I feel myself getting dumber.

SIDE NOTE: When you are reading the blog title, you need to add “and a hot plate” to the end. This one for example would be “My wife is a liar and a hot plate.” It is just more fun that way.

I blame Bill for this, as I do for most things. Bill decided he will not blog unless I work out. Over the last three months I have lost twenty five pounds. However I was sick for most of the month of February and did not work out. I want to add I still lost weight, but mainly from not eating. The flu blows. This morning I rode the bike will watching a half hour of Across the Universe. Now, Bill will write about something, because he is far more interesting.

Random statement: We are watching all four seasons of Futurama with commentary. Here is the nutty thing, all 72 episodes have commentary. Who does that? Who has time? Apparently Matt Groening has nothing better to do, because he is on every episode. David X. Cohen it makes sense that he is on every episode, because he is a massive nerd. But Matt Groening has a cartoon empire to run. This is not the point. Last night I had a dream, and Matt Groening and David X. Cohen were doing commentary about my dream. Once again, I blame Bill for this.

I want to provide a two part of explanation of the titled this blog. First, “…and a hot plate,” comes from George Plimpton’s cameo on the spelling bee episode of the Simpson’s. I adore George Plimpton’s writing. I wrote at length in the previous incarnation of this blog about his writing, specifically his collection of essays. I often quote another line from this Simpson’s episode, “I am now off to whatever it is I do.” My passionate love of Plimpton resurged when I was prepping for class and tripped over this article.

But the conversation which proceeded the naming of this blog went as follows:

Bill: What should we name the blog?

Me: Not something from Futurama, we always have Futurama things.

Bill: “And a hot plate!”

Me: I like that, make sure to put the ellipses in it, that makes it funnier.

That is how we titled the blog. The subtitle came along much the same. If you have not noticed our subtitle is “We are not the Huffington Post.” I do not read the Huffington Post, but I do know of it existence and I still don’t care.

So the conversation of the subtitle went as follows, roughly.

Bill: Do you want a subtitle?

Me: Sure.

Bill: What should it say?

Me: Well…what are we going to write about? Do we have a theme or a purpose for writing?

Bill: (Disgusted and annoyed) We are not the Huffington Post.

Me: I like that, because we are not.

I know what you are thinking.  Yes, the links were present in our original conversation.  While we talk to each other we use the links to further understanding.  It can work for you too, but only if you have Firefox.  That is how all of this began again. Isn’t it magical. I like this new version of the site for the following reasons. First, you don’t have to be a member of the site to make comments. Second, it isn’t hideously yellow and stupid looking. Finally, I can change the color, my version is green.

Suzanne has been hounding me for weeks, months, perhaps even years that I don’t write anymore. Plus I kind of killed our site without really giving her any say-so (actually, our phpbb was hacked and rather than deal with that kind of crap, I just killed it).

Anyhoo, we’re back and that should be fun. Suzanne wants me to go through my fairly extensive game collection and write about all the games, while playing them all over again. Start with the Atari (if I can get it working) and move on up I guess. Turning down an excuse to play more video games would be supremely stupid.

She’ll be posting here as well, but it is hard to get excited about that.